Where oh where is my rational mind? It's one of those days… *rolls eyes* I am down on myself, and for absolutely no valid reason (other than chemical, of course). I am dwelling on the woulda/coulda/shoulda aspects of everything. From time to time, I am the cause for my own sorrows- this I know. I am my own worst critic! Is this what keeps me so down to earth? Then again, this much grounding may not always be a healthy thing either.
It's a beautiful day. That lends itself to restlessness for me, rather than a mellow feeling. As a pick me up, I am going out for Indian at lunch. After work I may go shopping as a sort of self medication. Then it's off to play trivia with a close pal in hopes that I'll cheer up or at least be distracted for the time being. It is true that I like to be alone… too much… waaaay too much. I can only hope that others don't take it personally, even though they may not understand it. “The Prozac doesn't do it for me anymore.”

1. I am digging up all the necessary graphics for a new layout @ Istigkeit. I should be in touch with all of my helpers by the end of the week =)

2. I need submissions from YOU if you pencil your eyebrows on in whole or in part. I am putting up a gallery of beautiful babes with beautifully drawn brows. Email me your photo(s), nic, and linkage if you'd like to be included. Also, if you can direct me to any helpful sites on the history of drawn-on eyebrows, please let me know.

3. Suggestion Box: Two gr8 movies to watch, if you haven't already… K-PAX, The Man Who Wasn't There

4. I had an underwear buying spree over the weekend. Ooooh.

5. I am officially a huge Wendy O Matic fan. I am on a quest to voraciously devour everything she's written.

Every week seems to stretch longer than the last, yet the months seem to be getting shorter. Odd.
Although I haven't enjoyed drinking nearly as much as I used to, I must confess, I rather like the Friday tradition I've lapsed into. Rastabilly Rebels (one of Boyfriend's bands) have a Happy Hour house gig @ The Melody Inn. I can get a nice little buzz on, and by the time they are loaded up and ready to head home (which is only a couple of blocks away), I am almost completely sober and ready for alone time with the Boyfriend. It couldn't have worked out better! This weekend, however, his other band (Lost In Lodi) has a gig immediately following @ Zanies Too. So *sigh* it will be a looooooong night!

Sites like Steph's, Sony's, Becky's, and Rashelle's have struck a chord with me. I think I'd like a new layout for my domain… something crisp and pin-up esque to better represent me for a long time to come. I still dig what I have now, but all this surfing during down time at work has put this idea in my head, and unfortunately, I know I can't execute this concept myself, and I really shouldn't splurge on a designer this time around… So… if anyone would be willing to take this on just for fun/to kill some boredom (and for the traffic I'll send your way- I get quite a bit of hits from being on so many portals), please let me know.
I'll provide the graphics, and general idea of what I'm going for, but leave the colour scheme, fonts and coding to the pros this time. At the moment I'm keen on chromeless popups, iframes, and using htaccess to restrict hot linking to my cam image. Help? :(

The man on the bus, he is a dick. I'm speaking of the driver, an older black fellow who seems to have some sort of chip on his shoulder. I watch him smile brightly, laugh and talk animatedly to other black folk, wishing them a good day as they reach their destinations, then scowl and say nothing to the white riders who try to be friendly and courteous. Ah, “reverse racism” at it's finest! I don't think of him in terms or colour, or even as a “lowly bus driver,” but rather a person, just like anyone else. But now, I think of him as a little dick with a big chip on his shoulder. We can't all be martyrs.

A woman was trying desperately to get ketchup out of a bottle when the phone rang. She asked her young daughter to answer it. “It's the Minister, Mommy,” the little girl whispered to her mother, and then said into the phone, “Mommy can't come to the phone right now, she's hitting the bottle.”

3 lil old ladies at the market were commenting on the price of produce nowadays, “I used to buy cucumbers this long and this thick for a nickel!” Another held up 2 huge onions and chimed in, “I could have bought both of these for a dime back then!” The third lady grinned and said, “I can't hear a word you're saying, but I DO remember the guy you're talking about!”

My name is: Kira Roark
I may seem: slutty, nerdy, friendly
But I'm really: sarcastic, quirky/cryptic, distant
People who know me think I: have a good heart, am too hard on myself
If you knew me you'd probably: talk shit about me
Sometimes I feel: like sobbing whilst clawing at my flesh and banging my head against the floor or wall until everything is blackness
In the morning I: try justifying staying in bed all day
I like to sleep: during the day. sometimes i miss working midnite-6am
If I could be doing anything right now I would be: curled up in Boyfriend's bed sleeping until he comes home and is surprised to find me
Money is: something I don't think about much either way
One thing I wish I had is: my own business or a pet
One thing I have that I wish I didn't is: a messy apt
All I need is: to love and be loved on all levels… (myself and others)
If I had one wish it would be: *wedding bells*
Love is: fragile yet powerful
If an angel flew into my window at night I would: think i was dead
If a demon crashed into my window I would: know it's karmic retribution
If I could see one person right now it would be: those whom i never got to say goodbye to
Something I want but I don't really need is: a new bath set, satin bedding, curtains
Something I need but I don't really want is: to defrost my freezer, a car
I live for: passion in all forms
I am afraid of: my own standards
It makes me angry when: i see any sort of injustice
I dream about: actual events from my day

The blue is in. I ended up doing my whole head without bleaching or re-bleaching anything. The previously bleached strands sucked up the most colour, of course. It is really dark, but it looks like a halo under bright lights and really glows beautifully in the sun. That's still a nice effect though. I think I can live with it. I'm sure it will fade to something more contrasting eventually, although I hope it doesn't turn out to be algae green.
I am planning to be spontaneous. LOL! How does that work?! In the middle of the night I am going to drop in on the Boyfriend while he's sleeping, let myself in with my key, get undressed, slip into his bed, and wake him up with a blowjob. TMI? Sorry! But aren't I a great girlfriend?! ;)

P.S. It is way too effing hot for this time of year! Hmph.
P.P.S. Hurry, weekend, hurry!

*edited Monday 4/22 `cause it ain't blue now ;)

It's time to revamp the hair yet again. The Matrix Redlights have faded… not to an unacceptable level yet, but change is in the air anyway. I am still growing out my razored shag-bob creation, but I might need a lil trim. I have, maybe, 2 inches until it rests at my shoulders. Yay!
My tresses are not really curly, but they are extremely thick, coarse and wavy. Saturday I'm having it chemically straightend (or “relaxed” if you are teh ghetto). Yes, I know the risks… damage, upkeep etc. I've seen this done on caucasian hair that is identical to mine in texture and colour. The results were not “absolutely amazing” but definitely promising. I believe my locks would benefit from such a taming. And, I would trust my stylist with my head any day (I go to 5115 for you locals *g*). Although I've endured quite a lot of processing… bleaching, dyes, high/low lights, my hair is still in pretty good condition (largely due to my pampering it and using things like Biosilk products by Farouk Systems). It's virtually tough as nails. I know what it can handle having gone from my natural jet black to champagne blond a couple of times. I was blessed with great hair that I hate lol.
At first I was set to go permanent flaming red -all over- again, but after straightening/relaxing, the necessary chemicals to achieve and maintain that would be too frying, I think. I'd better not chance it. Instead, I'm opting for blue streaks. They will be placed just like the others were [eh, ok, still are]. I get waaaaay too excited about all this, heh, and it seems I change my hair drastically every 3 months. First things first… the blue dye is on the agenda for tonite. Cross your fingers for me!