Wah!

Back from the Gastro Dr. He drew blood *sniffles* [yeah, it DID hurt... I'd never make a good junkie]. Do I actually have an ulcer? They aren't sure… I had all but 1 of the common indicators. The bloodwork will tell them for sure. In the meantime, I've been prescribed 300mg of Ranitidine a day with 2 refills. If my condition does not improve in a few days time (even before a week passes), I am to return asap. Althought my blood pressure and weight are just fine, They also suggested I have a routine physical sometime relatively soon since it's been more than 10 years (excluding the gyno visits), heh. I was in and out in less than an hour (not so sure I like the impersonal level of treatment, bleh), and I got away with paying only $25 for everything total. TGFA (thank gawd for anthem). I hope this stuff does the trick *gulps*

Edited: June 20th, 2002

These Four Walls and A Burning Pit

Our office is moving today. The furniture is out, the other employees are gone. The rooms sound so hollow! For the most part, all that is left in our suite is a few essential items and ME. The phone company screwed up and the lines at the new place aren't ready yet, so here I sit with one computer, one phone, and one fax in an empty office. It's a little lonely and maybe slightly spooky. I don't WANT to move, as I've expressed before, since I'm only a 5 min bus ride or 20 min walk from my apt. From the new space I will have to shave 30 mins off my lunch hour because I will need to leave 30 mins earlier to catch a bus home. I'll be taking a total of 3 buses… one of which goes through an area I am entirely unfamiliar with, but it's the only choice if I want to arrive home before 7pm!
Today I also see a Gastro doc to find out if I have an ulcer. I have let the pain continue for over a month. Tsk, tsk. Pepcid AC, Zantac 75, Tagament, Mylanta, Tums, Pepto… all these help take the edge of the burning, but really don't significantly relieve the pain. The only thing that has helped me is pot, but I sure as hell don't want to walk around stoned all the time. Sometimes the pain is so bad I am doubled over or curled into a ball. Last weekend I had a low grade fever with it and was actually “ill” for the first time since this began. My tummy feels terrible empty and terrible full, so I am constantly trying to keep it's contents somewhere inbetween. My mouth tastes like a copper penny- yuk! I am glad I'm finally getting some help… I just want to stop hurting… but I am really apprehensive about it still.
I think I avoided seeing a doctor for so long because of what happened to my Grandmother years ago. Rarely do I speak of it, but it has stuck with me and instilled a fear and perhaps hatred of hospitals. She went in with a broken arm. They kept her overnight for observation. She died. I honestly believe they killed her in a round about way… by not keeping an eye on her like they are supposed to. I see hospitals as where they take people to die, not to get better. The woman at work who's now had breast cancer twice in the same spot (and many complications along with it)hasn't really helped my view of healthcare either :(
*grumbles* I hope to have something positive to report tomorrow in terms of my condition mentally and physically. Cross your fingers and wish for me to like the new workplace and for this fire in my stomach to cease permanently.

Edited: June 20th, 2002

"Are you amplified to rock?!"

Tonite Guided By Voices is on the Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn! *sets vcr for recording* Tomorrow their new release, Universal Truths & Cycles, hits stores. I gave it a listen here, and I am already hooked. You can bet your sweet bippy I will still be picking it up on my lunch hour and taking it home to treasure, swoon over, and ok, yes, obsess (I received an autographed poster from Bob this month as well!). Mmmm, how can anyone resist the drunken middle-aged, overweight, high kicking charm of Robert Pollard?!
Note To Self: Do not forget to buy enough tickets to drag others along to see the band at the Summer Stages event.

Edited: June 17th, 2002

P-I-G, pig.

It seems as if cops are everywhere you don't want them to be, but when you actually NEED them, they take their sweet time getting there. No, I don't harbour the hate for them that a lot of my generation does, but I DO understand it completely (my dealings with them haven't been pleasant). I strongly disapprove of their abuse of power (i.e. turning on their lights/sirens so as to speed through a red light then switching them off again once they've made it across the intersection).
This post wasn't necessarily brought on by some run in with the police, but moreso because I saw an unmarked Escort squeal out of the neighborhood park to enforce his little speed trap setup and it annoyed me. I know, I know… “if you aren't doing anything wrong, you have nothing to worry about.”

Edited: June 14th, 2002

Film At 11…

Today Ameritech/SBC employees were picketing… or protesting may be a more apt word choice (rioting is in the running as well, but just a tad too harsh). They lined the street in their company trucks, honking incessantly and blocking traffic. What the ordeal was over, I'm not entirely sure… perhaps something about layoffs or splitting the company into two sects. I didn't catch all of the news blurb so details are sketchy at the moment.
What didn't make any broadcast [yet] was the group in front of the courthouse with signs reading such lovely sentiments as “God Hates Fags!” I have no idea what this is all about. I only heard what was going down because the criminal researcher for our office called and told us about the disturbance she'd seen first hand.

Edited: June 4th, 2002

Quoteworthy

“Integrity has no need for rules.” – Albert Camus

Edited: June 4th, 2002

It's a dead day at the office, so ENJOY…

physical appearance:
1. what do you most like about your body? lips, eyes, little boobs, pale skin
2. and least? my girly pooch. i dont need it. i have no intention of carrying a kid in there!
3. how many fillings do you have? 1, but i have 2 crowns
4. do you think you're good looking? not hideous, but not hot
5. do other people often tell you that you're good-looking? it really depends on who it is and where i am. i don't look like everyone else which can be good AND bad.
6. do you look like any celebrities? i've been compared to old school joan jett, fairuza balk, bjork, marissa tormei, souxsie, famke jansen(sp?), bettie page, jennifer tilly, and milla jovovich(sp?. i don't really see any of them.

fashion:
1. do you wear a watch? very rarely
2. how many coats and jackets do you own? i'm not sure, but i do see them as more of an accessory than a necessity
3. favorite pants/skirt color? animal print, black or dark jeans
4. most expensive item of clothing? i've splurged on a few dresses, boots, and coats
5. what kind of shoes do you wear? i like knee high boots, mary janes, creepers, and wedges/platforms. i don't think i own a pair of sneakers.

your friends:
1. do your friends 'know' you? online? not as well as they would assume. offline? no.
2. what do they tend to be like? aquaintances
3. are there traits in you that are universally liked? i would guess that it's my kindness and objectivity
4. how many people do you tell everything to online and offline? i don't share as much of myself as one might think.
5. how many people tell you everything? one of my all time favourite teachers said there are 3 sides to every story: yours, theirs, and everyone elses. maybe i am the suspicious sort, but more likely i am just cynical.

love:
1. have you ever loved a person so much that it hurt? yes. it has to. take the good with the bad or not at all.
2. how many people do you say 'i love you' to on a daily basis? 1
3. have you ever cheated on your significant other? no. although there have probably been a few improprieties, i havent cheated.
4. if not, would you ever if given the chance with the guy/girl of your dreams? i think i have him already, but it would be better to break things off before being being with anyone else, imo

music/tv/film/books:
1. favorite artist/band ever? guided by voices, bad religion, face to face, sleater kinney, tori amos, gg allin, skrewdriver, eddie cochra, subsonics (i've got to be leaving out a few here)
2. most listened to artist/bands: i don't think i've gone a day without listening to gbv
3. do you find any musicians good-looking? i've got a thing for greg graffin and robert pollard but that's mor eabout their minds
4. can you play an instrument? clarinet, some geetar, very little bass
5. types of music most listened to? rockabilly/doowop, punk, indie
6. types never listened to? i dont dig much modern music… especially not hip hop or new country
7. favorite book? anything by ayn rand or rita mae brown

underwear:
1. ladies, do you like to wear thongs? sometimes… they make me feel kinky lol
2. guys, boxers or briefs? (i like them in boxer-briefs, hows that?)
3. what is the nicest color for underwear? black, red
4. do you find it uncomfortable without a bra? no, just the opposite
5. do you make it a habit of showing people your underwear? on cam, sure. otherwise, not really.

religion:
1. do you detest religion? somewhat.
2. how do you think this universe was formed (explain in detail)? i'm torn on this and really not in a position to answer, atm.
3. if you currently follow a religion, do you think people who belong to another religion are ignorant? it depends how they carry themselves
4. if you were in a hostage situation, and you were given a choice to either praise the demon they follow or die, what would you choose? they'd probably have offed me for my mouthiness long before this point, but if the demon were a deity of sorts, sure. if i dont bbelieve in it my words mean nothing. if it were a country or their leader, i'm doomed.
homosexuality:
1. what is the first thing you think when you see two gay/lesbian people holding hands? pleased/adoration
2. do you detest homesexuality? no
3. do you agree or disagree with gay or lesbian couples bringing up children? as sappy as it sounds, i believe all a “home” really needs is love.
general questions:
1. who do you believe is the smartest man alive at the moment? leonard piekoff(sp?), colin powell, ralph nader, harry browne
2. what do you prefer, a sunny or rainy day? sunny day but thunderstormy night
3. do you consider yourself lucky? ultimately things have a way of working out for me…
4. do you feel pity for people who commit suicide? yes, as well as a bit of anger
5. choose one word to describe how you feel most often: veiled

Edited: June 3rd, 2002

What ever happened to…

this girl (Nanette of Amplified To Rock and Spoonbender)? She could make anything interesting.

Edited: June 3rd, 2002