You don't miss the water until the well runs dry

There are many reasons why a guy might pick up that phone and call you with a catch in his throat, or show up at your door with flowers after several months apart. To him this is perfectly logical behavior. Remember that guys think differently than women do. Women, however, don't understand this kind of thinking. If being with her was so God-awful that you had to leave, why you turn around and want to come back?
This is where it gets interesting. Allow me to share the four most popular reasons that men will leave a relationship then turn right around and come back…

1. He Misses The Sex. Hey, he's a man and he has needs! He wants his usual and customary style of lovin' with a partner he is familiar with. He feels safe with you and comfortable because you know what he likes. Many women have this type of relationship, sometimes with ex-husbands! But we all know by now that sex is not enough to keep a man, never has been and never will be. He Is Testing To See If He Still Got It and if You Still Care. You always hear from him if he has seen you out on the town having a good time with some other attractive man, asking if you have a new man yet – if he has been replaced. He feels good when you say how much you miss him and that you are sorry about the breakup and that you think about him a lot, and if you start crying or say you still love him. His goal is to keep in contact with you, keep you focused on him just enough to keep the door open IN CASE he decides later that he wants to come back.

2. He Doesn't Want to Start Over. Thinking about the time he will spend trying to find someone to replace you is overwhelming. He thinks about the energy he will spend attempting to establish a foundation and framework for this new relationship and he gets a headache. He would rather move on with the familiar woman that understands him – that he had a history with. It's just plain easier, and this guy would rather expend his energy in other things like working, making money, and building a future than chasing around trying to find a mate. Basically he is lazy and would rather fight than switch.

3. He Realizes He Messed Up – Bad. So he realizes maybe he did (and said) some things wrong too. He has a bad case of guilt. Now that he has had time away from you and the situation, he's come to the shocking realizing that he truly cares for you (more than he realized). Gosh! It may- could it be – the dreaded “L” word at work here! He has gone out, dated other women, hung out with his guy friends, and he ain't having the big fun he thought he would. It's not as easy to get over you as he thought it would be. The idea of dating endlessly (and spending all his money) sends him to the couch for the day.

4. No other woman means as much. He's past denying it. He can't stop thinking about YOU. His life is empty and meaningless without you in it. He is depressed, unmotivated, moody and very unhappy. He comes to you to get back together when he is willing to make the adjustments needed to return the relationship to its former level of focus and commitment, and move forward in love. To demonstrate his seriousness he may talk of a future and offer homes, cars, trips and wedding rings.

(x-posted to TousledElegance.com)

Edited: February 6th, 2004