Archive for June, 2005
\m/
I'm stuck inside my little early to mid 90's alt-rock bubble. Help me break free! Let's play a little game. It goes something like this…
“If you love _____, you'd probably like _____.”
I Love:
Samiam
Weston
Fireside
Jawbreaker
Face To Face
Texas Is The Reason
(tough guy with his heart on his sleeve type stuff)
I'd Like?
*A few suggestions I've already enjoyed were: Alkaline Trio, My Chemical Romance, The Killers, Queens Of The Stone Age.
Any other recommendations?
(Please, no Built To Spill, Sunny Day Real Estate, Death Cab For Cutie, Braid, Promise Ring, or Dashboard Confessional.)
No, Not This Time.
Mantra: “There's Always Something…” – Lemony Snickett
Little Known Fact: I am so used to being Thee One That Makes Everything Okay; I'm devastated when I can't save the day.
My beau's position was cut in April. Since then, I've spent virtually every day being the consumate best girlfriend known to man. I buy him presents and pick up the tab sometimes. I surprise him with sexy outfits or exotic foods. I try to take his mind off of it for a little while. I let him vent. I rage about the unfairness of it all right along with him. I'm there for him. I give him space. I don't nag. I don't bring up his predicament constantly, nor do I act as if it's unimportant. Instead, I've been looking for leads ('I thought this ad might interest you; see what you think'), bolstering his spirits, restoring his confidence, reminding him that it will be alright, that things aren't that bad. And all that is true- no bullshit.
I wonder: Have I babied him too much? He needed it. Truly. I don't want to lull him into complacency though or to perhaps damage him in some way with my reliability. It seems like he's completely wrapped up in feeling sorry for himself, and he can't stop! It is preventing him from getting motivated enough to DO something about the source of his worries and fears! It isn't that he's lazy, not at all, but he's hurting and that's causing him to use this time as an extended vacation. It isn't that I'm needy either, nor that he's been unappreciative. But sometimes this gets… frustrating… taxing… almost exhaustive… for me.
The plan: I was supposed to move in with him upon expiration of my lease this summer. This is a step we're both ready for (we've been together over 5 years), and one that we both want. I have to be honest though, while I can be supportive and encouraging until the end of time (no effort required), I'm patient and tolerant (that comes naturally to me), and I don't give ultimatums, I'm not sure I can live with him while he's stuck in this pity party rut- with no end in sight. It brings me down, and for someone who's generally melancholic, well, that's just not a safe spot to be in.
That being said, I've already given notice to my landlord, but I'm exploring my 'other options' in respect to residency. Maybe next year we'll give it a go… Unless, of course, he gains employment in the next month or so. That would help. That is the magic solution.
I feel like a bit of a heel for thinking these thoughts, let alone blogging them, but nine times out of ten, I'm putting someone else before me, so once in a while I have to put myself first, ya know?
6 letter word, starts w/ R
I was listening to Jim Rome today, and heard the tale of a guy collecting autographs to be auctioned off, with the proceeds going to a foundation for children with cancer. Out of every sports figure he asked, only one athlete refused- baseball player Barry Bonds. Bonds said he doesn't “sign for white people.” Lovely! Such the role model! :\