_ NSFW _
Based on my physical appearance [and possibly my independent personality], people often assume I am a Domme. I used to get kick out of that. Sure, I was aggressive in the pursuit of male sexual partners (however, not females, but that is an entirely different issue). But in the sex act itself, I was submissive – behind closed doors (and *only* there) I liked to be explicitly told what to do, how to do it, talked *at* degradingly, have all my holes “used” for the purpose of physical pleasure, shown off/displayed, shared, handled roughly, etc.
Sex has always been more mental than physical for me anyway. I’ve always believed that the “best” subs (and I sort of snort at that description, but can’t come up with another) are such because they understand their choices and the science of them. Likewise, I feel that is part of what makes them appropriate for a particular Master and vice versa – that innate comprehension of the entirety of their roles and how they mesh. In a way, one could argue that pledging yourself to submission is actually a dominant act because it is exercising your Free Will, even if that decision is to give it up/hand the reins to someone else. That’s a fair assessment, but whether the choice to do so is so major that it overrides anything else the Lifestyle itself encompasses makes for an interesting debate. let’s save it for another time.
Continuing…
I reasoned that my submissiveness was because I was so in control of my own life that it was necessary to kick back and lose control. (Well, also since reverence and compliments in general make me uncomfortable. I don’t trust the motivations for it and doubt the sincerity of it.)
It follows that as my circumstances have changed, so have my preferences…. It seems I get enough abuse at work, that I no longer want/need it in my personal life :P Yes, my job has altered my personality that much! I miss the person I was, but I’m stuck here, so I have to adapt.
Now, I find my tendencies and fantasies are more geared towards me being the Dominant figure. There are things that I have had an idle interest in purely on an aesthetic level or as clinical subject matter. Those are becoming more appealing to explore – by explore, I don’t mean just reading about them or looking at imagery of them, but *trying* them. Hopefully, if you’ve somehow managed to skim this far that statement will grab your interest and lead you to ask, “What, specifically?” :o
Although I have changed a lot, I still have many of the same fetishes in general: glasses, thinly penciled eyebrows, thick lipstick, heavy makeup, uniforms, roleplay, shaving, brunettes, redheads, asians. I have a few more fixations these days that are from more of a Domme perspective…
Panties: men touching/smelling/tasting/wearing/masturbating on or with mine
Feet: teasing/humiliating/masturbating men with my bare/dirty/painted/pedicured/stocking/heel or boot encased feet
Cuckolding: NOT them being forced to watch me with others, but rather me forcing men to be pleasured by other men
Strap-Ons: [see cuckolding]
Verbal Degradation: [self explanatory]
Crossdressing: men in pretty outfits
The easiest way for me to test the waters with these is probably online. Fetish Play is not completely uncharted territory for me because I have always catered to Fetishes that intrigue me. I’m not opposed to a Gratuity (not sure I like the connotations of “Tribute”) for these types of Sessions, but I’m really not interested in the Financial Domination scene, which might be a related, um, Request or Requirement from, uh, Clientele.
Maybe some of you would call me The Reluctant Domme, haha… I genuinely cherish the bond formed with Fetishists for reasons that are not strictly monetary and absolutely want the arrangement to be mutually satisfying for each of us. If we both get what we’re hoping for out of it, whatever that may be, I would consider it successful and positive. I’m not posturing. I can be stern and caring!
If any of this is of interest to you, I’ll be utilizing Rude, Niteflirt and perhaps a few other sites for private internet encounters of the close kind ;) I also still offer custom photos and videos; just inquire by email.
Oh, and for Women with their own adult websites, I would be open to discussing Guest Modeling, so please get in touch if you are in need of that. Note: I would really like to help out TastyTrixie.com, AdorableAudrey.com, and XXXmina.com in exchange for free access to your members areas. In addition to the above detailed Fetishes, some niches I might fit into are Gothic, BBW/Plumper, Exotic/Ethnic (Middle Eastern or Latina), POV and Reality.
Happy Perving! =)
Edited: September 18th, 2008