On The Day After

Go… shopping?! Hell no! As a usually ‘get in and get out as quickly as possible’ (heh, shuddup pervs) sort of girl with next to no patience for lines/crowds/people/rudeness, can you imagine me out there today?

I’m also not that into Xmas in general anymore. I haven’t really had a merry one since, oh, about 15 years ago…. memories of family members lost, very little spending money and Indiana winter pretty much bum me out enough singularly, but this particular holiday wraps `em all up in a package with a big bow of Fuck You. (You love my cynicism, yes?)

Still, it’s my boyfriend’s family tradition to put up the tree, etc. So we did and, okay, it was kind of cheery. See the pics @ http://tousledelegance.livejournal.com/246167.html. Ho, ho, ho!

Edited: November 28th, 2008

Depersonalization?

Interesting query in respect to my online adult activities: Do I depersonalize my “customers” in the similar manner that society accuses maleporn consumers of doing to female sex workers?

Fair question. Astute even. I confess, I am amused at their need for sexual gratification and willingness to do a variety of things for it. Is that cruel? Is that abusive? I don’t taunt them about it or berate them for it. I don’t take advantage of their needs/wants.I don’t view them as my ATM. I provide a service to them and they provide something to me in return which is of equal or lesser value, depending upon whom you ask. The fact that I use the internet as safe and convenient social and sexual stimulation is almost definitely a form of detachment. I realize that. I admit that the ability to click away from someone/something or turn off the computer at will is a draw for me. However, I don’t think that means I don’t see or refuse to see the human element when I am ‘doing my thing.’ I am totally cognizant that I have a thinking, feeling person on the other end. (I guess you could say I give what I get. Treat me well and I will treat you well.) Also, I find there’s no hard and fast rule about these men. There are nuances to each one and that’s a bonus for someone like me who is fascinated by what makes people tick.You know, there are occasionally moments when I feel like a psychologist. I listen to problems (or desires) and offer feedback. I care. I have even been guilty of caring too much. Sometimes, I share some of my own personal issues with them.
I set boundaries though. I never thought of that as being disrespectful to others. It is for my physical safety…. because you never truly know who is on the other end. It is a precautionary measure rather than an insensitivity. It isn’t about denying them something and LOL-ing over it. There’s no element of “look what you can’t have” going on, no proverbial dangling of juicy carrots in front of the hungry donkey or wily cat chasing helpless mice. Any teasing is requested and consensual. If it weren’t, I would not be engaging in it. That’s Integrity. Not all Camgirls have it. I do. Perhaps my code of ethics causes me to miss out on a piece of the pie, but that particular virtue is much more important to me than $$$$. Who’da thunk it- a sex worker with “morals!” There are more of us than one might guess. But, then, there’s almost always more to people than meets the eye.
I hope my tone has not been misinterpreted as defensive, but surely you can imagine the stigma that so often comes with being involved in the porn industry. It is difficult to hear the erroneous assumptions and brash generalizations day in, day out, with so few speaking out loudly and intelligibly enough to truly be heard. But there are always deaf ears. Actually, I am thankful for the opportunity to express myself this way.

Edited: November 25th, 2008

Listen To Me

My friend Shelby wrote this and I liked it so much, I’m sharing it with you…

When I feel safe enough
to spill my heart out
and I ask you to listen,
Listen to me.

When I’m attempting
To use my verbal voice
and I ask you to hear me,
Listen to me.

When I need someone
To be there and I need
Someone to trust,
Listen to me.

When so much is happening
And I become so overwhelmed
That I can’t think straight or breathe,
Listen to me.

I’m not asking you to save me,
I’m not asking you to die for me,
I’m just asking you to be here and care,
Listen to me.

I’d like it if you understood and I’d be glad if you knew the answers,
But I understand that you don’t.
I just need you to
Listen to me.

Don’t leave me alone
On this journey I have begun,
Help me through it–
Listen to me.

When the dark night sets in,
And my words become thin,
Keep me safe from my own thoughts…
Listen to me.

Edited: November 13th, 2008

Quickie Politic-y

Just a quick blurb on Gay Marriage… Those that are using the Bible as their basis for it being illegal seem to be oblivious to not only the laws in this country, but also to the Melting Pot concept it has embraced. Different isn’t always wrong; oftentimes it is just different… and there’s so much to be learned from differences… things about others and things about yourself too!
Freedom Of Religion does not only apply to those who believe the same way you do. You cannot use your doctrine of faith to legislate. All Faiths should be a private matter for practice in personal homes and in personal decisions and personal actions whenever and where ever it does not infringe upon the rights of others. Perhaps someone else’s faith is in the absence of God(s) and maybe their idea of Freedom Of Religion also entails freedom from religion- yours and everyone else’s.
It is absolutely fine for to disagree with the law and be vocal about that, but when you take steps to prevent freedom, therein lies the problem. It all seems so rational, so practical, like common sense to me. I am completely baffled as to why people cannot or will not see that… and how their passing judgment isn’t contradictory to the very foundation of their beliefs. Must I remind you, Religion has been responsible for more death than any other cause? When is too much going to be enough?

Edited: November 5th, 2008

So Very Glaringly NSFW

Thanks so much to Violet Blue for bringing this to my attention!
The Price Of Pleasure is an incredibly biased “documentary” and obvious piece of propaganda that really isn’t even worthy of a rant from me. (It has the same old “OMG, Pr0n is so evil, immoral and degrading!!111 / We cannot have an open and honest dialogue about it!!!11111″ “It is all bad and if you think differently you are just wrong and a bad person too!!!1111″ sort of sentiments and calculated choice of interviewees and “sources” that you’d expect.)
However, I have always believed it IS important to know your enemy…. So, if you’re so inclined, you can watch nearly an hour of the film @ Media Education Foundation website.
I truly wanted to be inspired to have discussion about the topics raised, but I’m left thinking there are so many people that “just don’t get it” and therefore, there really isn’t anything to discuss. They don’t want to hear any dissenting opinions. They don’t care. The issues aren’t up for debate with Them. I’m not going to waste my time on Those People. This post was more than enough “air time” for Them.
But, oh, one question… where is the 2257 link on the site for the film? Or are they exempt because they are only using adult content to show how reprehensible it is? Hmm….

Edited: November 2nd, 2008