Bottle Of Wine

For all of us who are married , were married, wish
you were married, or wish you weren’t married, this
is something to smile about the next time you see a
bottle of wine:

Sally was driving home from one of her business
trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly
Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped
the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like
a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into
the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make
a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old
woman just sat silently, looking intently at
everything she saw, studying every little detail,
until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to
Sally.

‘What in bag?’ asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, ‘It’s
a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.’

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or
two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder,
she said:

‘Good trade…..’

Edited: February 24th, 2009

Cocoon or Chrysalis of Consciousness in the Cosmos

I never have anything to blog about anymore because I never go anywhere to

have any adventures to relate; I just "cultivate my inner landscape" and

often cannot find the words to 'harvest' myself here. (Besides, there are

only so many different ways to say the same thing. Over and over.)

If I had a shrink, I would probably be assessed as a

href="http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/Typefour.asp" target="blank">Type 4

Personality with Avoidant Personality Disorder and possibly Schizoid or

Schizotypal. (At first, I thought myself to have Social Phobia/Social

Anxiety, but I don't really have any of the panic attacks, sweating,

blushing, shyness, stuttering etc that are often associated with it. I just

don't go out because I cannot relate to people anymore.)

I spend so much time ruminating over the past that I don't live a life

presently and cannot see a future either. The monotony itself doesn't drive

me crazy. Routine and predictability are soothing to me. The only time I leave

the house is to go to work, the bank, grocery, drugstore, hair salon or nail spa.

Even then, I try to make the trips as quick as possible so I can return to the comfort

and safety of home before I do or say something embarrassing/stupid or am a

victim of someone else's mean streak or of Fateful Misfortune. There is

nothing in particular that I would rather be doing, but I know exactly what

I do NOT want to do, if that makes any sense. I fear I will wind up on the

same path as my dear friend Sunny, who is suffocated by her Agoraphobia. I

don't know how to reverse or stop this process. It's apt to say I feel

paralyzed.

In looking back, I certainly see my faults, however, they don't

seem as bad as those I have now. But, I don't want to start over; I don't

want to be someone else or someone new! I want to be the person I was! I

feel I can't get back to there because of what I have become (that it

wouldn't be the same anyway). So, what do I do?! Nothing, I guess. I wait.

For what? I don't know. I can't even pinpoint when I changed or how it

happened! That's especially frustrating for someone who is usually so in

tune with herself and her surroundings.

Some people might say I need to find God. A lot would suggest I am spirituality

out of whack. I am inclined to think it is a chemical imbalance.... in which case,

I am right back to the root of so many of my problems - money. I can't afford a doctor,

insurance or any of the things that would make me happier. What does one who

is defeated by the system, by life to do? Make do with what they have... and

I feel that is what I have been doing. But it isn't enough. Am I wrong for

wanting more out of my world? For believing I deserve better?

I don't resent those who have money, per se. I wonder what they have that I don't

though and I cannot see anything. So, do I resign myself to the notion that

this is just my destiny? I do not believe that. Fine then, am I to assume it

is just a hiccup? If so, I have to ask how long will it last and how do I

get back on track?

Everything seems so incredibly pointless! Don't give me that 'everything

happens for a reason' [even if we do not know the reason]

crap! I am starting to think this is not about karmic lessons. It's all

chaos theory.... all the things happening in the world right now included.

Science. Not religion. This isn't the rapture. And judgment day is not

coming. I need an estimation of when we'll have a return to what we think of

as normalcy! A concrete answer would be even better! Scholars, don't fail us

now!

I obviously am losing my mind. I want to believe it isn't too late

for me. All signs point to ... more signs! ARGH!!!!!! Where does it end?! It

doesn't. It goes on and on and on, indefinitely. Such is the way of the

cosmos. But, when does it end for me, specifically? Is that somehow up to

me? For fuck's sake, show me the way! I am trapped in an existential

nightmare over here! Books. I needs books. And counseling. And meditation.

Yoga? Help. I need help. That's it! That's ALL.

[Can you see why Cognitive Therapy never worked for me?! I need an intellectual who can break

it down rationally for me, an Atheist who can word things in a way that

resonates with me. And someone who will do so for free. Ha!]

Edited: February 23rd, 2009

Love Is A Four Letter Word

Next to my horoscope was an ad for a psychic that urged people to call her if they were still pining over a lost love. Hmmm, intriguing. (No, I didn’t. No, I wasn’t tempted.) However, it made me realize I have, in some fashion, pined about every single relationship I have ever had- both those I terminated and those that my partner ended. And almost always my pining was (is?) not because of the actual person and how I felt about them in particular, but more because of the idea of missing potential, the thought of losing what could have been, of being fatefully denied something that might have been good and because I wonder if that was It (The One) for me or if that was the best I will do in terms of finding a person or in terms of my capability to love. (Meaning, maybe that was the best person to love me.
This all fits in with where I am right now. Lately, I’ve been dwelling on a lot of things in my life and trying to find something that would make me feel better or happier. As it stands at the moment, I hate my work environment and I hate my financial circumstances. (And I believe hate is such a strong word. I try to use it only when it is truly applicable.) There’s not much I can do about my spirit crushing job given my circumstances and the economy, but venting here helps.
I know that I am hard on myself sometimes. I know that others hard on themselves too. I know that I have faults. I know that others do too. I know that I do have high expectations. I know that others do too. BUT, I also know that some self analysis is important for everyone. And, I know that if people just sit back and hope for the ideal to happen, to come to them magically, it very likely will not and contentment will be utterly and eternally illusive.

Edited: February 12th, 2009

“Mailcall!”

Postmaster General John Potter asked lawmakers on Wednesday to lift the requirement that the post office must deliver mail six days a week. Faced with decreasing mail volume due to people using email rather than “snail mail” as a way of sending communications, and increasing costs, the post office had a loss of $2.8 billion last year. The change would not necessarily mean an end to Saturday mail delivery. Studies have looked at the possibility of skipping mail on days that are generally lighter, such as Tuesdays. “The ability to suspend delivery on the lightest delivery days could save dollars in both our delivery and processing and distribution networks,” Potter said. “I do not make this request lightly, but I am forced to consider every option given the severity of our challenge.” Would you have a problem with one less day of mail delivery?

Save Netflix, I don’t send/receive much postal mail. However, there are people who depend upon receiving medications and checks in the mail by a certain date. Any delay causing those to be late, even by a day, really has an impact on those folks. For them, I would oppose this change.

Edited: February 2nd, 2009