TousledElegance.net

“We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person.” – William Somerset Maugham

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I feel like my life is at a standstill. I am going through the motions- eating (albeit it very little), sleeping (though not well, even with the aid of drugs), doing household chores (in hopes of exhausting myself enough to fall asleep for an hour or two without having to lie awake thinking), getting up and getting ready for work (because it might distract me for a few minutes), blah, blah, blah… but there are no moments of happiness (not even fleeting).

There’s nothing left for me any more. And just when I think I couldn’t possibly shed any more tears, I spring another leak. And I can’t stop. It doesn’t matter where I am (at work, on the bus, in the store), what I’m doing (talking, reading, drinking, camming) or who is around (clients, complete strangers, friends, family).

Every single hour of every single day I think, “I can’t do this any more.” The only thing keeping me alive is that I couldn’t do ‘that’ to my parents. I love them far too much to put them through ‘that.’ When they are gone, I figure I will be too. I am the girl with no future. I threw it all away and there’s apparently nothing I can do or say to get it back.

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I slept in an extra hour this morning. Hell, everyone else comes in whenever they damn well please every single day; why can’t I just once? Afterall, I was here an hour early every day for two straight years. Ooh, check out my sense of entitlement! *pfft*

It strikes me as odd when a contractor comes in to pick up keys for a property and they don’t know which one. How on earth are they going to go there if they don’t know where ‘there’ is? It sure would help if the person in our office who ordered the work would bother to tell me to get a key ready before the contractor gets here. (Because, of course, the contractor never seems to have the name of our staff member, so I end up having to ask every single person in the office while trying to answer 7 ringing phone lines with snotty and impatient callers at the same time.) *grrrr*

Tenants bringing in rent this week have been so shocked and angry when told that it is late and they owe an additional $50 for the late fee. As their leases state, rent is due on the 25th, not the 1st. (And the grace period is six days from the due date, not until the 6th day of the month!) I know that is a bit different from other landlords and it may be confusing at first, but these are residents that have been there over a year. They should know by now! Don’t raise your voice at me because you didn’t listen at your lease signing or didn’t read your lease or because you can’t keep track on your calendar. *smack*

When I offer voicemail to people, why do they ask me if the Agent will call them back if they leave a message? How am I supposed to answer that?! “Gee caller, I really hope they do call you back so that _I_ won’t have to take any more any phone calls from you!” I DON’T KNOW – I can’t speak for them and I can’t _force_ them to do anything! I would think they’d return calls because that is how they make their money. “Well, caller, maybe they don’t want any more money?! Or maybe they just don’t like you personally… which, based on your attitude right now, I can totally understand why…” =P

People have said I am not very friendly on the phone. It is true that I don’t have time for chit-chat like “Hi, how’s the weather; tell your mom I said hello.” I tend to get right to the point because I am swamped, but not rudely and my tone is pleasant, not patronizing. I only expect the same in return.

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