PREFACE
Unlike so many internet users, I’m not online because I *need* reassurance that I am special, different, attractive, cool. These are things I already *know* in my heart and in my mind; I am not the type that feels compelled to try to convince anyone else of them (though I am human and admit the occasional acknowledgment or compliment can make me smile on a bad day).

Originally, my purpose had been an unusual gonzo web experiment to satisfy my own curiousities - to learn more about technology, social interaction and human sexuality. Indeed, I have discovered a lot about myself and others by camming, blogging and chatting. While I’m still interested in these subjects and always open to further enrichment, my focus has shifted significantly towards using text and photos as a form of self-therapy and to document my life.

My content exists primarily for me to enjoy creating, experiencing and revisiting it. However, I also sincerely hope others get something out of my content too, because we all need to feel some level of connection.

THE BASICS
Born: October 11, 1977 (Libra/Snake)
Location: Indianapolis, Indiana USA
Height: 5′3″
Weight: 180 lbs
Measurements: 34C-42-48
Body Type: Light Plumper, Curvy, Thick, Chubby
Hair: Black
Eyes: Green
Ethnicity: Mediterranean
Occupation: Real Estate
Orientation: Bisexual
Status: In A Long Term Relationship
Religion: Agnostic (erring on the side of Paganism)
Politically: Social Liberal/Fiscal Conservative (Libertarian)
Philosophically: Objectivist, Existentialist

MISC.
It’s hard to put me into one neatly labeled box. I am indeed “a plethora o’ contradictions.” I’m not sure whether I am comfortable with the term “Changeling,” but just when folks think they have me all figured out, I do or say something that throws them for a loop. I am never what people [meeting or speaking to me for the first time, not to mention the second or third] expect. What you see IS what you get, and yet it IS NOT… For what it’s worth, the Enneagram Personality Type Test pegs me as a Type 4 - The Individualist. Though not all of it is “flattering,” I agree with that result.

LOCATION
Currently, I reside in the Midwestern region of the US (specifically Indianapolis,
Indiana). I was born and primarily raised here, though I had brief stints
in Las Vegas, Nevada and Weiden,
Germany. Generally, I like my locale, but I’ve always wanted to move to
the East Coast (perhaps NY, NJ, or MA). However, I’m not fond of the cold winters or the hot summers, but I do like city environments when they are a mere stones throw from an ocassional rustic escape.

EDUCATION/OCCUPATION
I have a degree in Theatre from Franklin
College. I also studied Radio Broadcasting there, but didn’t finish that tract… having
already worked in the industry I didn’t think I really needed a degree
in it. At the moment, however, I work in the real estate industry. I check eviction filings, credit reports, criminal records,
rental background, and employment histories on people who apply for apartments
and rental homes. Also, I am studying alongside my hair stylist to obtain my
Cosmetology license until I am financially able to attend Honors or The Aveda Institute full
time. I’ve been cutting and colouring my own hair, as well as that of friends
and family for several years. At this point, I think I’d like to specialize
in hair colour correction or hair extensions.
As a kid, I wanted to be a criminal defense lawyer, soap
opera actress, writer, rock star and “college student” (heh, cute how I
thought college was a “career”). Some part of me still has an interest in all
of those things.

ETHNICITY
I am middle class, of Greek, German and Scotch-Irish ancestry. My father, Alan, a car salesman, is the German
half in my family (the Zänder’s/Zender’s), with many of his relatives coming
from the Alsace-Lorraine
area of France/Germany. He has no living relatives other than myself
and my sister. Actually, the only other one I recall ever meeting was my paternal Grandmother who passed away when I was fairly young.
My mother, Lea, is the Greek (from the Thessaloniki area)
and Scotch-Irish portion of my ethnicity. Not much is known about the McCormick’s/McCormack’s other than one of them founded a waterway here which bears his name, and one woman related to my maternal Grandmother (who’s maiden name was Clayton) was a model who’d been Clark Gable’s mistress. The photos I’ve seen of her (the old sort “transfered” onto blue coloured blocks) were absolutely stunning.
My mother also is a pseudo local celebrity. She owned a popular nightclub in the 60’s/70’s that featured oldies acts like Fats Domino, Jerry Lee Lewis, The Shirelles, The Platters etc etc. She has some fantastic stories to tell. My mother is also a former Miss Indiana pageant winner. She still looks lovely late in life. I hope I inherited that trait.
I am the youngest
of 3 children. My siblings are actually only “half” siblings- my sister,
Jo (in her 40’s), has the same father. She is very different in appearance- curly, blond, tan. I don’t know her very well. Because of the age difference, she’d already left home when I was growing up, but we do visit eachother every year or so and get along well. She works alongside her Stepfather, a Neurosurgeon. I am a bit fond of her mother, an Interior Designer who did some of Wayne Newton’s homes! That lady certainly is highstrung, but intresting and quite likeable… in small doses
My brother, Alex (age 37, I think) has the same mother as I. We have a lot of the differences you’d imagine an older sibling and younger would have (admittedly, I am a bit peeved at him for having been unemployed for roughly more than 10 yrs [but pleased he at least isn’t living off of taxpayers]… his refusal of all the art scholarships he was offered irks me too), but there’s certainly no dislike between us. In fact, all of my family is really close for the most part-
meaning we can count on eachother for anything, though we may not phone or get together frequently. I suppose I am lucky in that respect. I have a hard time fathoming that some families didn’t/don’t do little things like sit down for meals together, or even just tell eachother “I love you” for no other reason than because they DO. There are always skeletons in the closet, but we’re a pretty close and normal bunch.

CHILDHOOD/GROWNING UP
I suppose I was a bit of a Tomboy (with proper manners taught in a non-invasive way), though I didn’t mind dressing up once in a while (and my mother had a ball styling my waist length hair various ways). There weren’t many girls to play with in my neighborhood, and in actuality, very few boys. My siblings were much too old to be companions in that respect. I ended up often occupying myself on my own. I bear no resentment for that (I enjoyed it and believe it fostered my creativity and imagination even more), but I feel it probably contributed to any issues I may now have in social situations. I can also appreciate the self-reliance/independence it gave me.
I was a musicial kid (vocally and instrumentally), always accelled in literature/grammer oriented subjects in school, was/am, horrible at math and terrbily uncoordinated (I dreaded gym class). I enjoyed art, but wasn’t phenominal at it. I began wearing glasses in 3rd grade and had braces for a year while in middleschool [junior high]. I wouldn’t say I was “popular” per se. I was teased from time to time (who wasn’t, really? Kids can be cruel!), but had my own circle of acquaintances from all walks of life. I wrote for the school paper, literary magazine, acted and produced plays, was on student council, in marching band and show choir
I shaved my head after highschool… going from waist length to virtually centimenter length. I’ve dyed my hair every shade of the rainbow. Basically, I’ve been involved in many a subculture, and to some degree, still am.

WHYS & WHEREFORES
The internet is a great source for entertainment, makes for good company on
lonely nights, and is a quick fix for boredom. I like being able to turn
it on and off at will, though it can be a scary convenience to have sometimes.
I have enough drama in my offline life, which is why you won’t catch me
engaging in gossip, trash talking/running smack, or speculation online.
Sometimes the fact that we are all real people with real emotions gets
lost in cyberspace. Things like sarcasm and other tones are easily misinterpreted
as well. Mutual civility, tact, and integrity are very important to me
on the net as well as “in real life.” I’ve also found this is a good medium
for safe sexual expression. I am a recovering Sex
Addict commonly called a Nympho[maniac]). The internet gives me my
jollies, so to speak, and keeps me from going out and picking up some strange partners in bars
and the like, if the temptation strikes. I’ve not had much luck with counseling for this. In part, due to trouble finding a program that is not biblically oriented, and also, because it isn’t a self esteem issue for me, but rather an addiction to physical pleasure (very fitting, according to my enneagram personality test results). Unfortunately, most therapists and even self-help books focus on religion and/or building up self image, neither of which is the appropriate treatment for me. Group discussion sessions have been somewhat benefical, though I need something more than that.

OTHER
Although being Bi has become a hip trend, I’m the real deal. I’m more attracted to men * emotionally *, but more attracted to women physically. Some one my earliest memories are looking at catalogues or fashion magazines and wanting to kiss the women in them (not realizing yet that there were many other things to do with/to them).
I have never had a romantic relationship with a woman (but I did take a female date to my junior prom. We danced, kissed and unfortunately, caused quite a stir). I do not rule it out entirely, though I don’t feel it’s particularly likely. However, for approximately 5 years, I was (am? - we’re still on again/off again) in a monogamous relationship with a man twenty one years my senior. Age was never a factor in our love. Our friends/families were cautious, but accepting of it. More on him/us at another time and another place.
I’m another tragic camgirl * snort * who suffers from depression… In the past, I’ve struggled with Self Injury, Body Dismorphic Disorder, and problems relating to Alcoholic parents, Rape, Social Anxiety… I may possibly have issues relating to Post Tramatic Stress Disorder, and perhaps, Histrionic Personality Disorder, though I’ve not been formally diagnosed with these conditions.