“Carnivaluate the short and tallerate the weak”

So, it’s been about a week since I went to the ER and was diagnosed with gallstones. I’m doing a lot better… enough that I’ve put off the ultra-sound for the time being. (I figure there’s no sense in wracking up another bill I won’t be able to pay.) I’ve only taken 2 out of the 15 pain pills they gave me and I finish my antibiotic tomorrow. I couldn’t stick to the liquid only diet, but I have been able to eat low-fat. I did have some soul food over the weekend though. I anticipated it would kill my stomach, but I felt ok, just a little tender/uncomfortable. Moderation, I think, is going to be the key. Some people would say the upshot of my bout of illness is that I dropped another 10 lbs. (That makes a total of 37 lbs that I have lost since April, with only minor changes/effort. My current weight is 160 lbs. I guess I’ll just keep going and see what happens.)

I haven’t received the bill from the hospital yet. I’m not as freaked out about it as I was initially. It is a Catholic facility with a charity program that might be able to help me some. (Sidenote: It was really weird and off-putting to be asked at intake what religion I am. I said none of the above.) I’ll pay what I can as I can and if that doesn’t work out, bankruptcy it is then… hell, my credit score has always been in the low 400’s… I’ve never had a credit card and never will… and I came to terms with the fact that I will never own a home long ago, so… *shrug* *shrug* *shrug*

I’m spending time doing things that aren’t as stressful for me while I am on the mend. I miss camming, but when I am online a lot, I can’t avoid the temptation of looking at other things I know will upset me and jack up my blood pressure. I’m not giving up camming, but I am cutting back for my health. I need to relax more and the best way for me to do that is to disengage mentally more often. Books and Netflix are taking over for a while and I might actually start that craft project!!! :)

However, soon I need to do something I really don’t want to do before I can completely rest easily- call my parents and tell them what happened. Wish me luck. I’ll catch up with you all later. xoxo

Edited: September 7th, 2010

The ER Visit

After the eighth day of constant searing stomach pain, I finally broke down and went to the ER. I was there from about 5:30pm to 1:00am. They took two vials of blood and offered me a morphine shot, which I turned down. Sure, I’m curious about it, but I wanted to be fully cognizant of everything they were doing and (hopefully) be able to go home afterwards. Also, narcotics make me fairly nauseous and considering I was there for stomach issues, I thought there was no need to risk further complicating things. I spent a long time laying there, watching tv- one episode of Plain Jane and two episodes of South Park. When someone finally reappeared, I got to pee in a cup. They then gave me anti-nausea meds and I drank Contrast before getting a cat scan.

Diagnosis: Gallstones. Treatment: Follow-up ultrasound in a week or two to determine whether I need my gallbladder removed via laparoscopic surgery. Cost: Astronomical for someone that is uninsured and lives paycheck to paycheck.

Although my blood pressure was kinda high (140/60) and my urine sample white cell count was high, my metabolic panel didn’t show anything unusual. Most importantly, liver function was normal, which means the gallstones aren’t blocking anything, so surgery may not be mandatory. I was running a fever of 100.4 though, which normally indicates an infection, however there was no visible evidence of infection/inflammation of my gallbladder (yet), so that’s a bit odd. They went ahead and gave me an antibiotic (Cipro) as a precaution and Lortab for pain. [Note: Surprisingly, Kroger beat out Walmart on the prescription prices by a little over a buck.] The doc suggested I try a liquid only diet if I can stand it, or at least low-fat until the pain gets better.

Today is my first day back to work. I’m feeling scared, relieved, angry, sore, tired and little bit sorry for myself. :P

Edited: September 1st, 2010

What’s up, doc?

I called in sick to work. Again. I’ve been trying to make myself go to the ER for two or three days now.
I’ve had searing stomach pain since last Tuesday. I thought it was just dyspepsia, stress, lack of sleep, bad food or maybe that I needed a good poo, but I’ve tried every remedy known to man to treat all of these possibilities and nothing has helped at all. The pain has actually increased each day to the point that I can’t really function now. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I can’t sit up. I can’t lay down. It all hurts like hell. Nothing eases it in the least.
Disturbingly, everything I am experiencing sounds exactly like what a friend experienced when she went to the ER with stomach pain and they ended up removing her gallbladder. Fuck.
I’m scared- not about what they’ll find or what they’ll do, but about the cost. I’m uninsured and live paycheck to paycheck. My garnishment for student loans just recently ended, after two years of misery. I’m still paying off the IRS, but all the while accruing more tax debt because if I change my Withholding, I won’t have enough money to live on. I cannot, simply cannot, incur any more bills. However, I also cannot handle this level of physical pain any longer, so to the ER I must go.
How long will I wait? 4 hours? 6 hours? More? Will they even be able to do any thing for me? I’ll never know unless I get off my ass. Anything has got to better than this stabbing, stifling burning, right? Besides, what if I let it go and it became even more serious/costly?
I know, I know. I’m going.

Edited: August 31st, 2010

A Weekend Of Love

The anniversary party at The Conrad was wonderful. It must have cost a pretty penny, so I am even more grateful to have been included.
There was a smooth jazz ensemble playing live in the grand ballroom. The meal was served in a choreographed manner. The staff unfolded napkins and put them into laps. Then they surrounded the tables and with a nod from their “leader,” simultaneously put each dish down in a sort of sweeping flourish of culinary ballet. The orchestration of it was and kind of neat, yet stuffy and a bit silly all at the same time.
The food consisted of Truffle Foam & Porcini Dust soup, chicken breasts stuffed with apricot, cranberries, spinach and gruyere cheese, a filet mignon in marsala sauce, with risotto, crisp steamed green beans, asparagus and carrots and tiramisu for dessert. I had Keystone Cabernet with it. Everything was absolutely delicious!

It was really touching to hear the grown children speak so warmly about their parents and the toasts that husband & wife made to each other had me tearing up. My Man grabbed my hand and squeezed it a few times throughout the heartfelt speeches. I felt quite elegant and so in love. We socialized a bit, sat through the raffle, congratulated the couple and wished them 25 more years, then slipped out around 10pm for our own kind of celebration in private ;)

We spent Saturday and Sunday together too, recovering and relaxing. I know I’ll be missing him like crazy by midweek, but healing, restoring weekends like this one sure make it much easier to get through Monday.

Edited: August 23rd, 2010

What’s The Plizan, Man?

I’m still feeling fairly troubled, but a little less so after a visit from Master. He stopped by after practice last night. We gave my furniture a workout and made plans for the weekend. I’m sooo excited for Friday night. We’re going to a neighbor’s anniversary party at a swanky hotel: http://conradhotels1.hilton.com/en/ch/hotels/index.do?ctyhocn=INDCICI. Quite the atmosphere and the food should be ahhhh-mazing!

It was very nice of S&K B to invite us. I’m kind of surprised by it because I wouldn’t necessarily say we’re “close” or that we hang out. However, they are, hands down, the best neighbors I’ve ever had. They are friendly, without being overbearing or intrusive. They are kind and helpful (which makes you want to treat them the same) and they never take advantage. They keep the noise level at a reasonable volume and never complain about ours. They look out for the neighborhood without gossiping or being busybodies. We’re pretty lucky to have them living next door. Maybe some day we will be inviting them to our anniversary soiree!

Edited: August 18th, 2010

When Jupiter Opposes Saturn

“If praise isn’t forthcoming, we’re dejected; if we get the approval we seek, the victory is hollow since it feels like it had to be forcibly extracted.”
Although these two planets didn’t come into opposition until today, I’ve been feeling that influence since the 6th. Things were really wonderful up until then. What the hell happened?!

I don’t live and die by the zodiac, but you’ve got to admit, we don’t know everything there is to know about the cosmos (and we never will, imo). That’s why I believe it’s, at the very least, possible that there’s some credence to Astrology. Just how much we also don’t/never will know, but I think it’s worth keeping an idle eye on such things. “I might as well as insurance or bail,” as Jenny Lewis sang ;)

Edited: August 16th, 2010

Tripping The Light Weektastic

It doesn’t matter if the temperature itself actually is pleasant, when the humidity is at ninety-three percent, it’s going to feel hot out anyway. Please allow me to me squeegee off before I continue this entry :P

It’s hump day and I thought it apropos to check in and evaluate how the house-sitting is going so far. I spent the weekend much like I would have were I at my apartment, alternating between tv watching and book reading, but here at Master’s house both of those things are made much more enjoyable by the sheer size of the set and the sprawling space to stretch out comfortably. Also, I was able to add some hot tubbing into the mix. I think I’ve been in it at least once every single day. I’m grateful it hasn’t jacked up my hair yet, though I admit that probably has something to do with the shower cap I’ve put on each time. I’m sure I look like a complete doofus, but what ever works… my hair looks normal :)

The cat is confused and demanding. He keeps looking around for Master and calling for him. I, of course, am spoiling the hell out of kitty- and he knows it. He has come to expect it now and when he isn’t the absolute center of my attention, he reminds me of that. It’s cute though, not annoying in the least. I gave him a treat over the weekend and since it’s mid-week, I think I’ll give him another. Meow.

I haven’t really adjusted to the different schedule. I can’t seem to get to sleep at night. It’s not like I’m in unfamiliar surroundings… I mean, I know the all the sounds of the house and the neighborhood well. I’m having a bit of trouble getting up in the morning too, despite it only being a half hour earlier. Part of that I can probably attribute to not exactly relishing the 10 minute walk to the bus stop (as opposed to the 3 minutes from my apartment) and to not being jazzed about going to work at *** ****** *******, ***. However, I figure the main cause is really two things- I miss Him and, um, also that I fucking miss Him. ;)

The place looks good. I’m keeping up with dishes, mail, trash, cat litter and general tidying. I vacuumed tonight. I’m cleaning the bathroom tomorrow. I’m dusting Friday. Master will return Saturday to a clean house, worry-free. All in all, I’m having fun. I’ve had delicious bubble gum flavoured cocktails. I’ve creeped myself out sufficiently with The Strangers and Ghost Hunters. I think I’m ready to hang out in my Sim’s bunker for a bit or get in a few hands of Poker until Master comes to snuggle up on the couch and watch movies with me. Hopefully, he’ll feel up to having sexy time before bed. I need that.

Edited: July 28th, 2010

Crafty Shite

I love watching crap like The Katie Brown Workshop. (And, oh-em-gee, she’s a doppelganger for Ricki Lake like whoa!) The problem is, stuff like this inspires me. Why would that be a “problem?” Well, much like with Web Design, I come up with a fabulous idea, then I get frustrated when the execution doesn’t go according to plan and the finished product doesn’t look exactly like I wanted. That completely destroys the fun of the whole damn thing for me; I feel like I have done nothing but waste my time (sometimes my money too) and made a mess I have to clean up.
Thus far, my attempts at embellishing t-shirts, totebags and housewares = FAIL. I don’t have a steady hand. I don’t have the patience. I suck at lettering. I can’t draw anything except female heads/faces. I, of course, completely forget this when I turn on PBS and look at sites like Etsy and instead think “Oh, I could totally do that!” So, my latest bright idea of making myself some punk rock barrettes is probably pretty stupid on my part, unless maybe I keep it fairly simple… because I do okay with simple jewelry projects like slipping some fishing line through some beads and calling it a bracelet or a necklace. I also do a fairly decent job on abstract painting. Oils are my favourite medium and I’ve had my eye on the Bob Ross Master Set for a long time. It’s kinda pricey and I don’t need it, but I want it. [*cough* wishlist *cough*] Supplies to make hair accessories, on the other hand, are cheaper and I actually need to keep my hair out of my face so I can SEE, heh. *shrug* Sounds like a good enough excuse reason to me, so fuck it, I think I’m going to pick up a hot glue gun, needle-nose pliers, alligator clips, ribbon and some skull notions if/when I have some extra money. Yeah. This ain’t gonna be pretty. Kill me now. ;)

Edited: July 25th, 2010

Do A Good Deed Today!

Please vote for the small town of Elmvale to win a community center; they really need it! All you have to do is click and enter the captcha words. You can do it as many times as you’d like.

http://kraftcelebrationtour.tsn.ca/top20/1697#matchup

(Contest closes @ Noon EST on Friday, July 23rd, 2010.)

Thanks!

Edited: July 23rd, 2010

Gratuitous Freeverse

I was on the Speech/Debate team in high school. I dabbled in a little bit of everything, with the exception of Discussion (because it just didn’t appeal to me) and did very well, but it was clear that my real passion was for the Interp events like Prose and Poetry. I made it to State in both of those events all four years and won first in each of them as a Junior and a Senior, took second as a Sophomore and placed third when I was a Freshman. (A progressive clean sweep, woohoo!) /end bragging rights

Considering that background, I guess it’s kind of odd that I don’t really care for Spoken Word recordings. Aside from Jim Morrison and Henry Rollins, there wasn’t much I could get into *listening* to; I tend to prefer reading the written word. I say “wasn’t” because in college, I discovered a compilation with some tracks that blew me away. They still do today. It’s called Home Alive: The Art Of Self Defense. The proceeds went to an anti-violence organization that provided self defense classes. (It recently discontinued operation, sadly.)

Anyway, I’m so obsessed with these two particular pieces that I just HAD to share them here. You can listen to them at the links below. Beware though… they aren’t exactly uplifting, to put it mildly.

Theory Of Mutation by Wendy O-Matik & Untitled by Kristen Kosmas

I can read like that, but I sure as hell can’t write like that. Wow. Just wow.

Edited: July 12th, 2010

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