The Light Has Gone Out Of My Eyes

I feel like my life is at a standstill. I am going through the motions- eating (albeit it very little), sleeping (though not well, even with the aid of drugs), doing household chores (in hopes of exhausting myself enough to fall asleep for an hour or two without having to lie awake thinking), getting up and getting ready for work (because it might distract me for a few minutes), blah, blah, blah… but there are no moments of happiness (not even fleeting).

There’s nothing left for me any more. And just when I think I couldn’t possibly shed any more tears, I spring another leak. And I can’t stop. It doesn’t matter where I am (at work, on the bus, in the store), what I’m doing (talking, reading, drinking, camming) or who is around (clients, complete strangers, friends, family).

Every single hour of every single day I think, “I can’t do this any more.” The only thing keeping me alive is that I couldn’t do ‘that’ to my parents. I love them far too much to put them through ‘that.’ When they are gone, I figure I will be too. I am the girl with no future. I threw it all away and there’s apparently nothing I can do or say to get it back.

Posted: June 10th, 2010 under Personal Demons - No Comments.

Ye Olde Bitchin’ Poste

I slept in an extra hour this morning. Hell, everyone else comes in whenever they damn well please every single day; why can’t I just once? Afterall, I was here an hour early every day for two straight years. Ooh, check out my sense of entitlement! *pfft*

It strikes me as odd when a contractor comes in to pick up keys for a property and they don’t know which one. How on earth are they going to go there if they don’t know where ‘there’ is? It sure would help if the person in our office who ordered the work would bother to tell me to get a key ready before the contractor gets here. (Because, of course, the contractor never seems to have the name of our staff member, so I end up having to ask every single person in the office while trying to answer 7 ringing phone lines with snotty and impatient callers at the same time.) *grrrr*

Tenants bringing in rent this week have been so shocked and angry when told that it is late and they owe an additional $50 for the late fee. As their leases state, rent is due on the 25th, not the 1st. (And the grace period is six days from the due date, not until the 6th day of the month!) I know that is a bit different from other landlords and it may be confusing at first, but these are residents that have been there over a year. They should know by now! Don’t raise your voice at me because you didn’t listen at your lease signing or didn’t read your lease or because you can’t keep track on your calendar. *smack*

When I offer voicemail to people, why do they ask me if the Agent will call them back if they leave a message? How am I supposed to answer that?! “Gee caller, I really hope they do call you back so that _I_ won’t have to take any more any phone calls from you!” I DON’T KNOW – I can’t speak for them and I can’t _force_ them to do anything! I would think they’d return calls because that is how they make their money. “Well, caller, maybe they don’t want any more money?! Or maybe they just don’t like you personally… which, based on your attitude right now, I can totally understand why…” =P

People have said I am not very friendly on the phone. It is true that I don’t have time for chit-chat like “Hi, how’s the weather; tell your mom I said hello.” I tend to get right to the point because I am swamped, but not rudely and my tone is pleasant, not patronizing. I only expect the same in return.

Posted: June 3rd, 2010 under Daily Drivel - 1 Comment.

Lately, things haven’t been the same.

I haven’t been camming as much because, honestly, I look as bad as I feel and I don’t have the energy or focus to do anything about that yet. Even blogging and tweeting, which are usually fun and therapeutic for me, just seem too exhausting and make me feel like a pathetic whiner with nothing else to say. Instead I spend my time trying to keep my mind off stuff by playing poker, reading, tweaking my website, going for walks, doing yoga/pilates, watching tv and cleaning. I actually almost dread weekends and almost kind of look forward to going to work because it leaves me with less time sitting in my apartment by myself thinking. (My Catch 22 is that I want to be alone, but I don’t want to be alone… if that makes any sense?!)

Anyway, more about what I’ve been doing…

PokerStarsDotNet! My family used to have card nights a lot. We’d have a meal together, fix some drinks, turn on some music and play Euchre for hours. I first picked it up when I was about 7 and I’m damn good. I didn’t start playing Hold Em until college though, when I discovered very few people knew how to play Euchre or had any interest in learning. It seems to be a Midwestern thing…? When it comes to Poker, I’m an aggressive, loose player, but I prefer video poker at the casinos rather than the tables. (Leave it to me to choose the one that is less social, right?) My sister digs Keno, but that’s too ‘chance’ and not enough ‘skill’ for me. if I wanted to rely solely on luck, I’d bet it all on black at the Roulette wheel.

I’ve always been a voracious reader, but I’ve noticed lately I can’t concentrate on a book for as long as I used to be able to. I get up and start wandering around the room and looking out the window. There’s a whole world out there that I’m not a part of, a whole world out there that doesn’t _want_ me to be a part of it. I thought maybe it was the slow going “Girl Who Played Go” that I was reading, but I’m still having the same problems with the James Patterson novel, so… :(

I finally upgraded my version of Wordpress and started working on a new layout for my website. That has been really good for me (especially last/this week) because I can get totally absorbed in coding. The hours fly by and before I know it, it is time for bed and I’m so tired I can’t lie awake thinking. When I don’t have to get up for work, I can and do code an entire full site design in a night. In fact, I’ll probably finish this one over the weekend and go live with it on the 1st.

You’d probably never guess, but I’ve lost 18 pounds since April. I was 197 lbs, now I am 179 lbs. I had to get some summery capri pants for work and I went from a size 18 or 20 to a 14 or 16 (depending on the material/maker). I don’t think I look like it, but I definitely feel like it. I’ve noticed I get less winded going up and down the stairs, my back doesn’t get shooting pains from standing up for long periods of time and my legs don’t burn as quickly from walking. I have been doing yoga and pilates, but more as an attempt to treat my depression with natural chemicals than to lose weight. Most of the weight loss stems from all the walking I’ve been doing since I moved- nearly every morning to the bus stop near my apartment, then from the stop to my office and I also walk to do errands and sundries in the evening and on weekends. Because I am on a very tight budget, I’ve also started eating fewer processed foods- more fruit and veggies, less sugar and less meat. I don’t have a goal weight or anything like that. I’m really not even trying; it’s just happening. I’m sure I’ll plateau eventually and I’m ok with that. I actually have a neurotic phobia of my own sweat, so I’m not too interested in going to the gym to workout; I would like to go swimming though and could possibly be persuaded to join only for that. I don’t see myself being able to tolerate screaming children enough to go to the public pool at the park, heh.

It’s so quiet and so lonely at my place that I’ve been turning on the tv for noise and making myself watch, which is something I would scarcely do in the past. There aren’t a lot of shows I can’t/won’t miss, but lately I am really liking 48 Hours Mystery, America’s Most Wanted, Cops, What Would You Do, Antiques Roadshow, Smart Travels With Rudy Maxa, Rick Steve’s Europe, Law & Order SVU, The Middle, Modern Family, Cougar Town, Extreme Home Make Over, Lidia’s Family Table/Lidia’s Italy, Secrets Of The Dead, Wife Swap, SNL and The Bachelorette. I don’t have cable, but I don’t mind because I heart PBS! I don’t have a lot of dvds either, but so far I haven’t been able to sit through an entire movie by myself, so that’s not an issue, eh?

There’s something else I’ve been doing that was rare for me until recently- cleaning. My apartment is tidier than it ever has been because of my need to DO something, anything, so that I won’t dwell on stuff. Chores like doing the dishes, making the bed, cooking dinner and organizing the bathroom have become a pattern. Now that I am in the habit of it, I realize I needed that change in my life. It was time for me to stop acting like a Princess or a Rockstar and live a normal adult life. That doesn’t mean boring, but it’s time for me to admit I’m getting older and let go of some unrealistic attitudes and conventions I somehow developed.

I wish I hadn’t had to take this road to get to the realization that I have made some bad mistakes/wrong decisions. Now I have to find a way to live with them. (Or not.) I wonder if by promising myself “no regrets,” I inadvertently doomed myself to nothing but regret.

Posted: May 27th, 2010 under Daily Drivel - No Comments.

More Good News On CW!

 Effective immediately, if your account expires, you can still hang out on the site! Details from the HMFIC below. ;)

kevin writes: When Camwhores started, it was completely free. Anyone could watch, anyone could chat, there was no such thing as a membership.

As Camwhores grew, we listened to what you guys wanted. We removed all the crazy popup ads that we were once known for. The *nine* banner ads that used to be on the front page are gone, replaced with just one that’s only visible if you’re not a member. This, along with adding features that cost us actual money (paying the lovely cammers here for shows and the like) meant that we had to start charging for memberships. To the subscribers we have now, we are extremely thankful. We wouldn’t be here without you guys.

Over the years, we focused so much on obtaining more members and trying to make our current members happy that we lost a bit of focus on what a non-member to Camwhores saw. Prior to today, non-members could only view the site for a few minutes without ads being thrown in their faces. Every 20-30 clicks on the site would result in more ads. Frankly, this sucked. Going forward, we’re committing to make the site as un-annoying as possible to everyone, including those who haven’t chosen to subscribe.

But, our biggest change is what we’re doing with members who let their accounts expire. Effective immediately, if your account expires, you can still hang out on the site.

Expired accounts will now be able to:
* Log in to the site normally
* Chat on the tagboard
* View the cam archives
* Participate in the forum
* Create a profile
* Post on your blog, or comments on other’s blogs.

An expired account cannot:

* Watch streaming video (due to the bandwidth expenses)
* See members only cams (to comply with the agreement we have with our cammers)
* Vote on pictures/cams

Expired accounts that stay on the front page for more than 4 hours without moving or saying anything will be redirected to a non-updating page, to help preserve our bandwidth when people walk away from their computers. You can re-join the main page with one click.

While some of the details will need to be tweaked going forward, this currently applies both to paid customers and free trial accounts after they expire. When either account expires, you’ll be able to stay on the site as an “expired user” for at least 90 days with the above restrictions.

No changes are being made to what paid customers get, you get EVERYTHING you had before with no exceptions.

We’re hoping this makes the site friendlier for everyone, and less money driven. We’re here for fun, not trying to suck subscription funds out everyone who wants to watch. Just because someone can’t afford a subscription today doesn’t mean we don’t want them here.

 Now, I have 4 free trial invites. If you want one and you promise not to be a jerk while on the site, email tousledelegance AT gmail.com. I would especially like to see some of the old members come back!

Posted: April 1st, 2010 under News/Editorial, Website - No Comments. Tags: ,

… Pants On Fire!

Realtors are some of the phoniest, most deceptive people I have had the displeasure of encountering. Day after day, I witness them telling complete untruths and it disgusts me. That tactic isn’t being a star seller; that’s being a bold-faced LIAR. They are so hungry for a commission that they throw ethics right out the window and it makes me want to puke.

Today the entire office, minus the one person it impacted most, got a glimpse of the type of crap I see every day. A walk-in started discussing using our services with one of the agents. During that conversation, they told him they had already been working with another agent in our firm. At that point, he should have then referred them back to her. Not only is that the thing to do, it is also our company policy to turn them back over to the person that they had contact with first. Instead, he ignored this protocol and began initiating the process with them himself right here in the lobby.

After these folks left and he started to head upstairs to do a comparative market analysis, one of the other agents asked if they said that they had spent a half hour talking to another agent about listing the property on Friday. She asked nicely, though she was totally aware that they had mentioned it because she was standing there during their exchange. She was hoping to politely give him the hint that what he was doing was improper. Immediately, he busts out with a flippant response and stomps up the steps, “I can’t babysit everything around here!!!!!” (This from the man that I had to pester every single day for a solid month just to get him to set up his voicemail?! Are you fucking kidding?!)

Miss Agent isn’t going to stand for that kind of treatment. She follows him and says there was no need for him to be rude to her when she was just trying to help. He gets all huffy and shouts that he doesn’t appreciate her insinuation that he was stealing someone’s client. (Hmmm. Why did he immediately get so defensive and loud if he truly believed he’d done nothing wrong?) Miss Agent points out that she just asked him a question and not only did he cop and attitude with her, but he also did not answer the question. He then yells at her,” NO, the answer is NO.” Double-you tee eff. That is absolutely not true. He knows it and so does everyone else in the office because we were all right there in the same room! Dirtbag.

Miss Agent replies, “Ok. Ok, that’s fine, but that’s no way to talk to me about it.” He slams the fucking door in her face and she comes running downstairs, so angry she is shaking. And so am I. I’m sick of this guy’s shit. This isn’t the first time he has lied… except usually, he tries to blame it on being new, feign ignorance and claim whatever it was had never been explained to him (though I know for a fact it indeed was, because, again, I was sitting right there when it happened). The bottom line is that this dude SUCKS (his attitude, his knowledge, his skills) and that is why he hasn’t made ANY money AT ALL yet. I think it is only a matter of time before he is gone and I hope it’s sooner than later. Dick.

Posted: January 20th, 2010 under Daily Drivel, News/Editorial - No Comments.

Hardy Har

TEACHER ARRESTED IN NEW YORK – A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. ‘Al-Gebra is a problem for us’, the Attorney General said. ‘They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.’ They use secret code names like ‘X’ and ‘Y’ and refer to themselves as ‘unknowns’, but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, ‘There are 3 sides to every triangle’. When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, ‘If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.’

White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physiques will follow.

Posted: January 19th, 2010 under Funnies - No Comments.

The Obligatory 2010 Resolution Post

Most of my resolutions involve intarweb schtuff and I can’t really focus on such as much as I’d like right now, but it is good to put my goals into words. So, without going into too much detail, I want to:

- Interact more!
I’m already making progress by tagging on CW even when I’m not camming and by making myself available on instant messengers for the first time in years, but I need to improve upon answering Facebook, MySpace and FetLife (etc.) messages, commenting on other blogs, participating in forums and being more timely with email responses. There are times when I feel I have so little of interest to say, that I choose instead to say nothing. I need to break that habit and just shoot the shit with other people [who probably feel the same way sometimes].

- Get back to doing things I enjoy!
I used to cam several times a week, listen to music every evening to unwind and go out for dinner, brunch or drinks with friends semi-regularly. I need to make the most of every present moment, not agonize over the past or future. I still have a few good years of living left, right?

- Incorporate more ‘members only’ content into my site
(i.e. blog posts, vlogs, photos, videos) to create a community vibe, which puts me more at ease and makes me more likely to interact! Sharing my life can be much more fulfilling.

- Spend more time outside too (weather permitting)
I’m obviously no Sun Goddess, but I do venture outdoors more than you’d think. Unfortunately, it is usually for short stretches like walking to and from a particular destination or dining al fresco. I need to chill outdoors for no reason other than to actually enjoy it. For example, if I’m going to read or listen to music, take my book/discman outside.

- Appreciate myself more & stop “settling!”
I know I am pretty awesome and that those try to force me to be more like them instead of accepting me as I am probably don’t deserve to be in my life. I need to remember that this is my life, not anyone else’s. I need to live it for me, not for someone else. I love myself – either you like me too or you don’t. Those that try to play both sides need to be cut loose.

I think that just about covers it! Basically, this year should be about focusing on my wants and needs, instead of always putting others first. Through that I become a better person to be around. Win-Win!

Posted: January 1st, 2010 under Daily Drivel - No Comments.

What Ever Happened To Him?

 

I was afraid I knew the answer. Why did I ask the question? I think it was because I wanted to be wrong. I wanted someone to tell me he was alive… and well.

When I met John he was recovering from cancer. We were introduced in a bar and over a few beers, I was told the story of how he almost died. He wasn’t in remission, but John didn’t look “terminally ill” (his skin wasn’t sallow and he still had all his hair) and I figured he must be doing well with his treatment if he was out drinking with friends.

(The wheels were already turning.)

I almost wonder if our friends anticipated how he’d tug at my heartstrings, how I’d want to give him some happiness in whatever way I could, to make up for some of the pain he’d felt and what he had to go through. Maybe that had something to do with why they made certain we became acquainted by leaving us to spend some time alone talking. You see, I have a soft spot for nice guys who deserve a little more female attention than they are used to getting. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I am the Queen Of Pity Fucks, but I cannot deny it has happened before and it will likely happen again. But, I didn’t quite feel sorry for John. I felt more angry that he was cheated out of a portion of his life. I wanted to put things right. I knew what it was like to feel defective, different, defeated, yet still proud you’d made it this far.

As if intense empathy wasn’t enough to spark an attraction, John also made me laugh- out loud, a rapturous, carefree sound accompanied by a genuine wide, toothy grin. (Like so many women, I am a sucker for a witty sense of humour.) In friendly retaliation, I liked to make him blush with my flirtations and PDA. He loved getting the attention and I loved giving it, especially to someone so appreciative. He made me feel wanted emotionally, not just desirable sexually. It didn’t take long for us to progress to dating exclusively. We each gave the other something needed at the time.

People tell me that before John got cancer he was mean. A few said he could still be pretty spiteful sometimes. I never experienced that. Anything I wanted to do, anywhere I wanted to go, whatever I wanted, John was like a puppy dog. I say that with tenderness, dismay and guilt, because it was eagerness and devotion that drew me to him and that played a part in pushing me away. He adored me when I couldn’t adore myself.

John had a nerdy innocence about him and even though it had clearly endeared me, friends warned me to be careful with him… not necessarily just because he was sick, but because he had so little experience with women and I was known to be, well, a Maneater. And John had enough to deal with. “He didn’t need a broken heart on top of having cancer.“ Sometimes it is hard to hear the echo of that statement in my head. I feel it in my heart too.

I know that our break-up was probably inevitable. (I was in, what I consider to be, my formative years when we met… partying, drinking, fucking, having fun, trying new things. I outgrew the relationship, while he was a point in his life that everything stayed the same for him.) But, I don’t think getting involved with John was a mistake. I like to think that I still gave him a reason to smile, even if only for a while. He certainly made me appreciate the value of having a few close friends as opposed to a lot of acquaintances. John also taught me that “normal” is relative. What ‘happened’ to him is that he became more than I could ask for – an unforgettable part of my life.

 

John is buried in Crown Hill Cemetery. There is a pilgrimage I have to make.

Rest In Peace
January 11, 2003

Posted: October 13th, 2009 under Personal Demons - No Comments.

Protected: Yeah, happy birthday to me

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:


Posted: October 11th, 2009 under Daily Drivel, Personal Demons - No Comments.

Does Not Compute

I am stunned right now. I finally have a name to put to something that has been ‘wrong’ with me since elementary school, something that always made me feel bad/weird, etc. Better still, I found someone else with the same problem!
I don’t know where to start, so I’ll start at the logical place- the beginning. I have an excellent grasp of grammar and terrific reading comprehension. I write and speak well and I absolutely devour books, many of which would be considered “boring” or scholarly tomes, with ease. However, I’ve always had trouble with the most basic math. To this day, at age 31, I still can’t compute numbers in my head, make change, or measure properly. I have to make a guess and my guesses are usually way off. When I’m faced with a set of numbers and have to manipulate them in some way, I don’t know what to do with them. My brain just stalls. I draw a complete blank. I freeze. This makes me nervous, embarrassed, anxious, afraid, stressed, etc etc, which of course, only makes the ordeal worse and exacerbates future instances.
Teachers recommended my parents get a tutor. The tutors found different ways to explain things to me. I could do arithmetic along with them, but could not do it on my own and correctly duplicate their work, nor could I repeat the things we worked on A LOT once I returned to class. The tutors suggested my parents take me to a psychologist to determine what was causing my “fear of math,” which they suspected stemmed from my parents worrying about money and thus me worrying about the cause and effect of money, which translated to numbers. The doctor told them I had a “number block” and that tedious memory exercises might help. They also arranged with the school for me to take my math tests by myself in the quiet library. It didn’t make a significant difference. I still failed tests, just by a little less. The teachers gave me a shitload of extra credit worksheets to do with my tutor just so I could pass their classes with a D-. (I was especially lucky one year when my math teacher was my older brother’s best friend from when they were my age. He allowed me to do written “essays” about Arithmetic related topics to help my grade.) I never knew why it was so hard for me- especially when I was so advanced in things like English/Literature/Humanities.
Now, I believe I have Dyscalculia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dyscalculia
         Potential symptoms (my comments are in italicized parenthesis):

  • Frequent difficulties with arithmetic, confusing the signs: +, −, ÷ and ×.  (Sort of. I don’t know which sign to “perform” on a set of numbers in order to get the result I need.)
  • Difficulty with everyday tasks like checking change and reading analog clocks. (I can’t make change without at least counting on my fingers or making an illustration and I usually even need a calculator. I round times up or down depending on how close the hand is to either number.)
  • Inability to comprehend financial planning or budgeting, sometimes even at a basic level; for example, estimating the cost of the items in a shopping basket or balancing a checkbook. (I get thrown off by tax. I round up and add an additional dollar to that, hoping I’ll get close enough not to be under the total due.)
  • Difficulty with multiplication-tables, and subtraction-tables, addition tables, division tables, mental arithmetic, etc. (I know them when I SEE them written down, but I can’t THINK them in my head.)
  • May do fairly well in subjects such as science and geometry, which require logic rather than formulae, until a higher level requiring calculations is obtained. (I rule at logic and abstract concepts, yet I was literally 2 points away from failing General Math. I’ve never really done algebra; I just couldn’t grasp why the letters and unknown quantities had to exist at all and I never could figure out how to put something in there place to make the equation “work” right. I barely passed each math course I’ve taken and had an A or A- in every other subject. Math was the only thing that prevented me from a 4.0 gpa in high school. In college, I couldn’t even pass the remedials that would have allowed me to take the basics, which caused me to only be able to obtain an Associates instead of a Bachelors because I could not pass the basic required math courses needed for a four year education degree.)
  • Difficulty with conceptualizing time and judging the passing of time. May be chronically late. (Kind of. I had always attributed it to just being “distracted.” I set my clocks 13 minutes fast because if I look at them, my mind will round that to 10 and I end up hurrying, thinking I only have ten minutes, which makes me right on time!)
  • Particularly problems with differentiating between left and right. (No, not really, but I can’t think of streets in terms of North or South, etal.)
  • Difficulty navigating or mentally “turning” the map to face the current direction rather than the common North=Top usage. (Whoa, just noticed this is an issue for me! Never gave it much thought. I always have to physically put maps in the direction I’m going for them to make sense!
  • Having particular difficulty mentally estimating the measurement of an object or distance e.g., whether something is 10 or 20 feet/3 or 6 meters away. (True. I couldn’t even begin to accurately guess. I cannot “visualize” 10 feet.)
  • Often unable to grasp and remember mathematical concepts, rules, formulae, and sequences. (No matter how many times they are explained or shown to me, they don’t seem logical and I can’t retain the information.)
  • An inability to read a sequence of numbers, or transposing them when repeated, such as turning 56 into 65. (If I quietly repeat them to myself several times first, I might get it right!)
  • Difficulty keeping score during games. (I assumed this was just a memory problem or that I was distracted.)
  • Difficulty with games such as poker with more flexible rules for scoring. (I’ve been playing Euchre and Texas Hold Em for over 20 years, but I still have to remind myself what cards are worth which values and which cards are a what.)
  • Difficulty in activities requiring sequential processing, from the physical (such as dance steps) to the abstract (reading, writing and signaling things in the right order). May have trouble even with a calculator due to difficulties in the process of feeding in variables. (OMG! I was awful at the dancing portion in show choir, not just because I was uncoordinated, but even more so because I couldn’t remember when to do what move no matter how much repetition was drilled into my head!)
  • The condition may lead in extreme cases to a phobia or durable anxiety of mathematics and mathematic-numeric devices/coherences. (Totally! I already know what’s going to happen – that I’m not going to be able to do the math and that makes me feel even more [insert emotion here].)
  • Low latent inhibition, i.e., over-sensitivity to noise, smell, light and the inability to tune out, filtering unwanted information or impressions. Might have a well-developed sense of imagination due to this, possibly as cognitive compensation to mathematical-numeric deficits. (Hell yes! I can’t read with music on or study with the tv going. I need quiet and bright lights. I focus on the most appealing work first- whatever is creative or “literary” and put off the rest until the last moment.)

Wow. Most of these describe me! I should take an official test to confirm it! I’m not stupid or inept afterall! To know exactly what’s wrong with me and that I’m not the only one is such a huge relief. I wish someone had known back then. Maybe I could have been helped and saved a lot of negativity.

Posted: August 21st, 2009 under Personal Demons - 1 Comment.

« Previous entries Next entries »

Next Page »